Hands up if eeeeeevery once in a while you have a Negative Nancy or a Pity-Party Patty running around in your brain.
Yes, my hand is up…even me.
The good news is that we don’t have to let Nancy and Patty RULE over our brains. If we did, our world would totally suck. But getting them out of there, or at least showing up less frequently, is definitely one of those so-easy-to-say-hard-to-do things.
We’ve all read and done plenty of exercises to try to help us shift out of negative gear. But for this practical gal, knowing the science behind how our brain works really cemented for me that, ‘YES! It is possible to change my perspective to a happier, more positive place.’ And here is how…
*Number 3 is very important and is often the aspect that holds us back in changing our minds for good.
The Science of Happiness
1. “Synapses that fire together wire together.”
The principle is simple: Throughout your brain there is a collection of synapses separated by empty space called the synaptic cleft. Whenever you have a thought, one synapse shoots a chemical across the cleft to another synapse, thus building a bridge over which an electric signal can cross and carrying along its charge the relevant information you’re thinking about. It’s very similar to how nerves carry electricity from the sensation in your toe all the way up to your brain where it tells us ‘cold,’ ‘hot,’ ‘that feels good,’ or ‘ouch!’
Here’s the kicker: Every time this electrical charge is triggered, the synapses grow closer together in order to decrease the distance the electrical charge has to cross. As I talk about with workouts, our body’s love efficiency!! And this is a microcosmic example of evolution and adaptation. The brain is rewiring its own circuitry, physically changing itself, to make it easier and more likely that the proper synapses will share the chemical link and spark together. This again makes it easier for the thought to trigger. So here is your first scientific evidence that your thoughts reshape your brain, and thus are changing a physical construct of reality.
2. Shortest Path Wins the Race.
Your brain is always doing the above- consistently shifting and morphing with every thought. And even more exciting is the fact that the synapses you’ve most strongly bonded together (by thinking about them more frequently) come to represent your default personality.
Consider you have two pairs of people throwing a ball back and forth. One pair stands ten feet apart, the other at a distance of 100 feet. One partner from each team throws their ball to their respective partners at the exact same moment with the exact same speed. The first team that catches the ball gets to dictate your personal decision and mental state of mind.
So which team will get the ball first? Basic physics of distance, time, and velocity tell us that it will always be the pair standing closer together. This is basically how your thoughts work. Through repetition of thought, you’ve brought the pair of synapses that represent your proclivities closer and closer together, and when the moment arises for you to form a thought ( and thus throw our metaphorical ball of electric energy), the thought that wins is the one that has less distance to travel, or the one that will create a bridge between synapses fastest.
3. Mirror-Neurons.
Unfortunately, it’s not just your thoughts that can alter your brain and shift those synapses; the thoughts of those around you can do it as well.
If there’s any ability that truly separates us from our primate ancestors, it’s that of imagination.
Imagination lets us live in the past and in the future, we use our memories of the past to predict what will happen in the future; ie: I know from past experience that fire burns skin, so I know inside my minds-eye that if I stick my hand into a fire I will lose my flesh. This is so instinctual we don’t even recognize it’s constantly happening with every symbol that we’re perceiving in our day-to-day moments.
Even more exciting is the fact that this skill also works with emotions, not just situations.
The premise, again, is quite simple: When we see someone experiencing an emotion ( be it anger, sadness, happiness, etc), our brain “tries out” that same emotion to imagine what the other person is going through. And it does this by attempting to fire the same synapses in your own brain so that you can attempt to relate to the emotion you’re observing. This is basically empathy. It is how we get the mob mentality, where a calm person can suddenly find themselves picking up a pitchfork against a common enemy once they’re influenced by dozens of angry minds. It is our shared bliss at music festivals, or our solidarity in sadness during tragedies.
But it is also your night at the bar with your friends who love love LOVE to constantly bitch, whether it’s about their job, the man, the government, or about their other so-called friend’s short-comings, or whatever little thing they can pick apart in order to lift themselves up and give themselves some holier-than-thou sense of validation when you nod your head in acquiescence, agreeing like a robot: “Totally, girl. That’s bullshit.”
As you continually surround yourself with this attitude, you are continually trying out this attitude by firing the synapses in your brain. And as I explained above, every time you fire these synapses, you’re reshaping your brain. This is why it is so important to spend time with people who lift you up, because your friends are moving those fearful, cynical, pessimistic synapses closer together, making your default, short-path-personality as jaded and bitter as your peers. Want to be happy? Surround yourself with happy people who rewire your brain towards love, not towards fear of being invalidated.
Side note: I’m NOT saying don’t be there for friends who are having a hard time and need an ear or who need to work through a difficult situation. Nor am I saying you can’t be critical about the failings and injustices in the world. Just be aware of how your brain is working in those situations.
4. Stress will kill you.
The thing about any and all negativity, be it of regretting, of attachment to angry emotions, of pointless complaining, etc, is it all causes stress.
And the stress hormone, cortisol, is public health enemy number one! Scientists have known for years that elevated cortisol levels: interfere with learning and memory, lower immune function and bone density, increase weight gain, blood pressure, cholesterol, heart disease… The list goes on and on. Chronic stress and elevated cortisol levels also increase risk for depression, mental illness, and lower life expectancy.
The bottom line is this: The universe is chaotic, but regardless of what it brings your way, your choice is simple: Love or Fear. Consciously choose love SO OFTEN that you rewire your brain to make it the default. And help those around you ‘try on’ happiness. Be the light and the positivity for someone else, and it will make your life happier, longer, and contagiously joyful.
Be some one else’s wings to happiness and you’ll find your own.
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